"Hey Laura. Look at me, I'm a Guy," Shaun called from the bedroom as she stood naked in front of the cheval mirror.
Laura cried with laughter and hugged Shaun, knowing she had been given her first injection of testosterone. Shaun was happy now she was on her way to becoming the person she had always dreamed about. Happier than she had been in a long time.
"What happened?" Laura asked sitting on the bed as Shaun got dressed.
"Dr Mitchell, she is really very nice. I'm so glad we listened to the people at the Community Church. She's kind, and understanding, willing to listen to what I have to say."
"This is your third visit, " Laura interrupted.
"I know. It is well worth it, and I am in Medibank. This time Dr Mitchell explained about the hormone injections. I'm starting off with one a week. Just a small dose to begin with. She said it's a steroid that stimulates the development of the male secondary sexual characteristics produced in the testes."
Laura stared at her.
"You know what I mean Laura. A man's balls."
Dr Mitchell told Shaun she had studied her case history as far back as the time of her sister Casey Ann. That she had come to the conclusion that eventual sex-reassignment was the only answer. Adding that the treatment would take at least two years. That she would have to undergo psychoanalysis, and that an assessment would be made by a team of doctors.
At the end of six months hormone therapy Dr Mitchell decided an increase in the treatment was necessary and sent Shaun to an endocrinologist.
Dr David Baron was an older man and had served on the board of the Gender Dysphoria Clinic at the University. He agreed with Dr Mitchell that Shaun Maclaren, though born with the physical anatomy of a female was psychologically and emotionally a male. On his recommendation she was to be given testosterone propionate, parenterally, which, the doctor explained was a longer lasting alternative to testosterone.
Shaun was delighted, and when on the way home she told Laura her news, she bought Shaun a man's wardrobe, including shirts, in her favourite colours and lots of ties. In the office Shaun was referred to as the new Chauffeur-handyman, and when the occasion permitted, she accompanied Laura on Agency functions. Although Laura could not see any real change in Shaun. There was, she felt an air of mystique about her.
In their lovemaking Laura was enthralled. Shaun, more gentle than ever before, more attentive, respecting even her most absurd whims. It seemed that Shaun was unable to stop touching her. Every stroke of her hand made Laura feel as if she were something fragile and precious. After their tension built up to a climax, Laura slept safe in Shaun's arms, knowing there was now no need of the appalling bathroom trauma.
Dr Kerry Michell suggested the program of sex-reassignment begin. She made an appointment for Shaun with the Psychiatrist, who many of her patients at the Community Church had consulted. In the rooms of Dr Peter O'Donnell Shaun told him of her feelings and thoughts.
"There is nothing," she said firmly, "that will dissuade me. I know what I am. I'm not going to become a man. I am a man. All I want is the right to be able to live and act as that person. I now realize I was born that way, I want to be allowed to live openly as a man. It's what I've always known to be inside me. I am, Dr O'Donnell a man, trapped in a woman's body."
Dr O'Donnell had written many papers on the subject of transexualism and was associated with the Community Church Fellowship. When Shaun had finished he explained how the period of assessment worked.
"The criteria is Shaun, that you will have to live and work as a male for two years before reassignment surgery can be carried out. This is not," he added quickly, "implying that a team of specialists sit in judgement on you, determining your qualifications to have the numerous operations needed to change you from female to male. The ultimate assessment is made by you Shaun. You know how well you are coping as a man. Even if you do not admit this openly, your actions, sense of dress, general attitude and conversation will be a guide to the team. There are certain expectations of you. That you live entirely as a man in your work and social life. In this Laura can be of great help.
"You will become aware Shaun, as many have, within the Community Church that criticisms have been leveled at doctors for expecting a transexual to fit the stereotyped gender they have chosen. But you must realize that unless a guideline is applied it is very difficult for any doctor to determine in practice if, the patient really does identify with what society defines, in your case as masculine, and here, it is assumed that you will know what it is to be masculine along the same principle. In time, of course, from a post-operative point of view, you will develop a personality that will break down the hard and fast stereotypical image you will have adopted in your pre-operative days. After your operations you will mix freely in the wider community. It is here that the Community Church Fellowship can be of enormous help. It is my opinion that it would be advisable for you to join in social gatherings as soon as possible. Perhaps you could take up an education program, or attend University. From your Convent and service records you have already passed the entrance examination, even though the system has altered. I can help in that direction if you wish. Whether you chose to study full, or part time, it will present an excellent opportunity for you to mix freely with your chosen gender."
Just before she left the doctor told her she will have to attend his rooms for a consultation every month, and that psychological tests will be conducted at that time to ascertain the extent of her cross-gender identification.
Gradually her voice deepened and hair began to grow on her face, making Shaun feel more the way she assumed a man would feel than ever before. Laura still adored her and at times laughingly called her, 'her boygirl'. On her first day at the University Shaun dressed in the clothes of a man. Her assessment period having begun a week earlier. She had to face her fellow students, and uncertain of their reactions, minutes before the lecture almost turned and ran. But Laura had been so supportive of her entry into Uni, Shaun knew she could not let her down. Her main problem was her breasts. Although she bound them up and wore a tight tank-top she was still very conscious of them. On the first day she got her period which made her wish like hell she had waited a day or two before going into the lecture hall with the other students. To her surprise no one knew her. Even the girl from Laura's office, who was taking similar subjects, either did not want to know her, or did not recognize her. After the first week she made a few firm friends. The male students accepting her into their circle fully.
There were no reservations and sometimes she joined in their crude jokes and remarks about the opposite sex. This entry into the one time forbidden world made Shaun feel she had arrived as a man, and she quickly identified with them.
On one occasion she forgot herself and opened the door to the female toilet. Seconds before she entered a voice called out. "Hey! Maclaren. You're not allowed in there unless you've been invited."
At cocktail parties and nightclubs, she chatted freely with other males. Laura's colleagues accepting Shaun as her boyfriend. At night in the quiet of their bedroom they laughed at the hoax they had played, before they made love.
Slowly Shaun began to realise that she was not thinking about herself. Most of her adult life she had been forced to ponder her position, questioning herself, wondering each and every day how she should go about her tasks as a woman. Now with Laura's help and encouragement she no longer dwelt on daily habits. She did not think about what a man would do in this or that given situation, she went ahead and did it. Now there was no question, even by Dr O'Donnell as to her masculinity.
For Shaun Maclaren it was the greatest revelation in her life. She was no longer, two people in one body. She felt wholesome, alive as never before. She began to think about the future. Where she would be in a few years from now. At last she was able to give tangible thoughts to her feelings, and think of others instead of burying herself within a thing that refused to stop kicking. Dr Mitchell was amazed that this had happened to Shaun before her sex reassignment operations had even been discussed.
"Here," Dr O'Donnell told his colleagues, after a lengthy consultation with Shaun. "was a man in every psychological and social aspect. But a man with a vagina, and it was imperative that reassignment surgery commence within the next few months."
It was the beginning of the second semester. Shaun sat quietly in the hall waiting for the lecture to commence. She glanced at the door as the Professor came in and was certain she knew her as the officer who had arranged her transfer in the Army. Quickly dismissing the idea as being improbable, she looked forward to the forthcoming lecture, but felt that the Professor was staring at her. Suddenly Shaun found it difficult to breathe, her head started spinning. She tugged at her shirt collar to get more air. It was then she began to perspire freely. The Professor noticed her, assumed it was a build up of tension at the beginning of the semester and sent her to the rest room, instructing the student who helped Shaun down the steps to inform the Matron.
When the student left the rest room to call the Matron, Shaun, not daring to have an examination left by the side door, went home and waited for Laura. Although the attack had lasted only a few minutes it left Shaun with a headache and a nagging pain in the pit of her stomach.
"It's a condition referred to as Spontaneous Hypoglycaemia," Dr Mitchell told her as sat in the surgery with Laura. "Diagnosis is sometimes difficult especially in the early staged. It could be caused by a form of epilepsy or possible mental stress."
"But I feel so hot," Shaun told the doctor, "I can't bear to have my chest bound up any longer. It makes me feel tired and terribly itchy. I've got to do something."
"We can help you Shaun, both physically and mentally, and it would start you on your sex-reassignment program. If you feel you are ready."
"How can the program begin so soon? Dr O'Donnell told me it would be at least another year."
"I have spoken to Dr O'Donell recently, and we both feel that you should start the program immediately with a mastectomy."
"A Mastectomy!" Laura cried out in amazement, "that means her Br-."
"Yes Laura. The report I have from Dr O'Donnell's panel is most encouraging."
"But-."
"It is a beginning," Dr Mitchell said turning to Shaun, ignoring Laura's interruptions, "with your cross-dressing it will help enormously. It will help your ability to identify even more with the opposite sex."
The thought of Shaun having a mastectomy disturbed Laura more than she cared to admit. She felt the need for some form of distraction, at least for the remainder of the evening. They drove to their favourite restaurant. Shaun and Laura sat facing each other at their special table by the window, neither wanting to talk about the subject uppermost in their minds. They dined on lobster salad. Afterwards, when the waiter served their brandy and coffee, Shaun held Laura's hands.
"Don't worry darling," Shaun murmured softly, "if you really don't want me to change I do understand."
An hour had passed, they were still holding hands, deep in their own private thoughts. They even ignored the waiter who cleared the table. Shaun's love for Laura was all consuming, and she wondered why the thought of her forthcoming mastectomy disturbed Laura so much.
Shaun thought about their most intimate moments. She remembered every time they made love Luara would hold, fondle her breasts, tease her nipples with the tip of her tongue then suckle them, pretending to be her baby. Suddenly she realized how unfair she was in having an operation that would deprive Luara of so much pleasure. She felt torn between her love for Laura, and her need to become a man.
"Shaun!" Laura said when she finished the last of her brandy, "you know how I hold and caress you when ever we make love. But really, I don't mind if you are sure you want the operation. As Dr Mitchell told us it will make life easier for you. I suppose I'm behaving like a spoilt brat, being selfish. I know how much you want to become a man."
Laura had drunk more brandy than she had intended. She couldn't remember getting out of the car, or going into the apartment. She knew she was shaking all over as Shaun, now aware of her new found masculinity tried to dominate the scene. She unzipped Luara's black velvet dress, pushed it aside, when usually she would have allowed it to sigh to the floor. To Laura, Shaun seemed to be rough, even brutal as she pulled her into her arms.
Laura thought it was all a dream as Shaun unhooked her bra and ripped off her pink lace panties. Gone was the gentleness of Shaun's hands. Trembling she felt her mouth being ravished as she lay on the cushions of the divan.
Shivering with delight, fear, expectation Laura yielded to her touch as Shaun carried her into the bedroom and laid her on their bed. All gentleness gone, one for the other they abandoned themselves to a sensual, almost violent making of love.
For hours they clung to each other, and when Shaun rolled away she fell into a deep untroubled sleep. Laura lay staring into the blackness, tears rolling down her cheeks. She knew in her heart that they would never make love again.
The next morning there was between them an air of coolness that Shaun did not understand. By the end of the day conversation became almost impossible.
Before going to bed unable to control her feelings Laura burst into tears telling Shaun their affair was over.
"All I want is to be treated as an equal in all our lovemaking. You must understand Shaun," she said between sobbing and crying, "I can't be dominated, not by a pretend man."